The Mourning After, Part 2

The morning after the election was like a really nasty hangover. Yeah, I had some fun, but at what cost? I mean I was happy--in fact, ecstatic that Barack Obama was now the President-Elect. But I still couldn't shake the disturbed sense of internalized homophobia and shame that the vote stirred up. Another wretched ghost from the past, ugly and old, and covered in cobwebs. This is the marrow of what is wrong with American society, in terms of how we deal with the LGBT community. When a government at the local, state, or federal level says you cannot get married if you are gay, you cannot adopt children if you are gay, you CAN serve in the army, but if we find out you are gay, you're gone! Even if you are a talented, hard-working Arabic translator, you're outta here! And as the Government leans, so leans the electorate. How can gay people not be hurt by this, consciously or unconsciously? When homophobia is injected into our policies, our schools, our institutions, and into the air that surrounds us. The government is supposed to protect us, give us guidelines, and liberties and freedom. But like an abused child, we learn to internalize this. We metabolize it. And like a poison, it kills us silently and slowly. It hangs in our cells, our flesh, and in our hearts. We blame ourselves for the abuse. It must be our fault, after all. We are the ones engaging in the immoral behavior! We should be ashamed of ourselves! This is the cyclical cycle of self-abuse, the destruction of our very souls. After awhile, it becomes involuntary, like breathing.

I have learned that pain, unfortunately, is the catalyst for change in my life. Another axiom that I begrudgingly ascribe to is that I cannot change others, only myself. (And trust me, after years of trying to people to suit my own selfish ends, this is a big one). So when the numbers came in and showed that the "religious" demographic overwhelmingly vote YES on Prop. 8, I was angry, livid, furious. I mean my freaking blood was boiling! The Mormon church actually issued a edict to its devotees that they must support this cause to preserve the sanctity of marriage. This from the religion--albeit in its more fundamental sects--that allows polygamy?! So let's review. Mormons can have more than one wife, but I can't have a husband. I just want one. Singular. The Catholics were no less intolerant. They actually joined forces with the Mormon Church to pass this dastardly legislation. These are the same folks who for decades, if not centuries, silently condoned and enabled the molestation of countless numbers of children. Shuffling the perpetrating priests from parish to parish as if changing their surroundings would help the kids they violated. An evil environment of geographics. And what about the parents who donated time, faith, trust, and money to this organization? Was not theirs a violation as well? The Christians aren't much on our side, either. Rick Warren, a mega-preacher in Orange County was extremely vocal in his support of a gay marriage ban. He claimed "we should not let 2 percent of the population change the definition of marriage." Well, Mr. Warren, I do not accept your definition of marriage. I do not want it. I have the receipt and I am promptly returning it for a full refund. Because your use of the Bible as a weapon does not work for me. Your perversion of the messages of the Jesus are transparent. I see you.

These institutions, who do not pay taxes, want to strip me of my civil rights? Let's be clear: the State of California issues marriage licenses, NOT the Mormon Church or the Catholic Church or any church. I don't even know where to begin. A history lesson then: the world did not begin with the birth of Jesus. There were thousands of years of human history before him. Greeks, Romans, Etruscans, and Egyptians to name a few. And marriage was about money and politics. Marriages, more often than not, were arranged. It was not about religion or love. And what about dowries? Women being traded or sold by their families? So are we clear on this? Christians did not invent the concept of marriage! You haven't cornered the market on it like Apple did with mp3 player! This is something that bugs me, this smug superiority about Christianity being the only religion that has relevance. You do not have the monopoly on the truth. Like their claim that the purpose of marriage is to bear children. I know people who have been happily married for years WITHOUT children--in fact, BOTH of my parents have been remarried. The purpose of their marriages were not to bear children, so I guess their marriages are not as important as yours then? So I guess they have tainted the institution of marriage? Theirs is not as sanctified as people who procreate? Huh? It is not YOUR institution. It belongs to everyone who chooses it. I despise this kind of intolerance. This sort of hiding behind religion as an excuse to be bigoted. This kind of intolerance is what causes gays to be persecuted, bashed, and killed for something they have no control over. So, I will not stop fighting! I will not stop protesting! I will not stop calling a spade a spade! I will not stop demanding equal treatment under the law! I will not be silent until the day comes--and believe you me, it's on the way--where I can look into the eyes of the man that I love, ask for his hand in marriage, and have that marriage recognized by the State of California and the government of the United States of America!

Cleansing breath...

Now, after the rage has faded, and the dust subsides, what's next? We cannot shine our anger like a flood light. It must be focused and concentrated like a laser. For me, this begs the question, where do I focus it? Protesting, rallying, and fighting for equal rights are all in my sights. I believe in the grassroots movement that elected Barack Obama as the 44th President. This is the same energy that will eventually overturn Prop. 8 and its cousins in 48 other states. I believe that the sea will change. But what about the change in me? If it does begin with me, what kind of pain will I have to endure? Pain of the knowledge that 52% of Californians think I am a second-class citizen? Pain for my friends whose marriages are in limbo? The pain that this fight is not over? Sure, those sting. But what pains me the most is giving up my rage. Giving up my own moral superiority. Relinquishing my hatred for those who voted against my dreams, the vision that I hold so dear. I must forgive. Begin to put my own weapons down and trust in that changing sea. Because in it are the stirrings of hope and change and solidarity and forgiveness and love. So that's what I will do. I will love those who voted Yes on Prop. 8. The Catholics, Christians, Mormons, and the owner of El Coyote. Even Rick Warren. Not because I want to, but because I have to. WE have to. I implore my brothers and sisters in this movement not to chastise, to disparage, or to hate those who are against us. Even when they protest at our demonstrations, resist the temptation to boo them. Instead, I beg of you to LOVE them. And listen, this doesn't mean you have to have tea with Tony Perkins. But, if we want to overcome our struggles, we cannot afford to employ the same tactics as they have. Yes, we must demand our rights! But we must also offer a silent prayer of love, of forgiveness to the other side. Will I do this? Yes. Will I do this perfectly? Not by a long shot. But I'll change, because it's more painful not to.