A Letter to the President-Elect

Dear President-Elect Obama:

I phone banked for your campaign. Three times. So did several of my friends, and my dad. My neighbor and his friends drove to Las Vegas and canvassed in 102 degree heat. I firmly believe it was the deftly organized grass-roots campaign that fueled your victory on November 4th. That, and your messages of Hope, of Change, of no more Politics-As-Usual in D.C. Unfortunately, your pick of Rick Warren to lead the Invocation at your Inauguration on January 20th, is the antithesis of your message.

As a gay man, it saddens and angers me that you would choose a man who believes that gay relationships are akin to pedophilia, incest, and polygamy. His church's website advertises that "unrepentant homosexuals" are not permitted to attend its services. (Not that any self-respecting gay person would attend anyway.) So where is the Change? Because from where I stand, this is tantamount to shoving gay rights back to the 1970's. Back to a time when the DSM classified homosexuality as an illness, when police routinely raided bars and arrested their patrons for lewd conduct. Anita Bryant declared herself to be "on a crusade to rid the world of homosexuals" and "wanted to save the children from homosexuals." In essence, Rick Warren's message is no different from Anita Bryant's because he equates gay people to pedophiles. So I can't help but ask the question, "How would you feel if your marriage to Michelle was compared to pedophilia, incest, and polygamy?"

In a bigger picture setting, his beliefs are just as unsettling. His rhetoric pierces the hearts and souls of young gay people everywhere. Whether it is one in his congregation or one who has access to the internet with endless clips of his antiquated ideologies, they are out there. And before they have a chance to discover that there is nothing wrong with them, they hear his message. They sense the muted tones of homophobia and they internalize it. Unfortunately, not all children grow up in liberal, nuturing, open-minded homes. Those who are raised in less desirable environments already have the deck stacked against them. And now, the new President of the United States introduces Rick Warren to bless his administration. And if the President of the United States cannot love and accept them, who can? Gay kids are three times more likely to commit suicide than their straight counterparts. And Pastor Warren's message does not help.

I'd like to believe that this is a shrewd political strategy to benefit all of your constituents. I'd love to believe that this is the beginning of the Change you talked about in your campaign. But I've got to tell you, it feels like the status quo. Unfortunately, we are the last minority group that's socially acceptable to vilify. I highly doubt that Warren would have been your choice had his inflammatory and ignorant comments been about immigrants, black people, or Muslims. You once said that you are "a fierce advocate for equality." I hope you were telling the truth. Because your choice of Pastor Warren sounds like more of the same.

The Absent Dialogue

I'm all about communication lately. About my feelings, my fears, and what I need. Which is why I've been having lots of dialogues with people. I think it's important to do so to foster understanding and compassion. And what about the most important dialogue of all? The one that's SORELY missing. The one between supporters of Prop 8 and gay people. Miserably underrepresented in the No on 8 ads, gay people are screaming back after having their voices silenced by the very campaign that was supposed to help.

I think the dialogue could go something like this:

PROP 8 SUPPORTER: My faith is really important to me. And according to my beliefs, marriage is between a man and a woman.

GAY PERSON: I can certainly understand that. Faith is important to me too. But what is also important to me are equal rights. And if you vote yes on Prop. 8, I won't have equal rights.

PROP 8 SUPPORTER: Well, what about civil unions?

GAY PERSON: I appreciate that, but they're not the same. See, you can go, right this minute--down to City Hall--and get a marriage license. No questions asked. I can't, simply because I am gay. Civil unions do not have the same tax benefits, adoption rights, and legal standing as a marriage. And of you think about it, your church doesn't issue a marriage license. They perform the service and are an integral part of the process, yes. But our state, to whom I pay my share of taxes to ever year, provides the doorway to the institution.

PROP 8 SUPPORTER: I see.

GAY PERSON: And by the way, if civil unions are so desirable, why not get yourself?

PROP 8 SUPPORTER: Well, I would but I'd like to get married. I'm so in love with my fiance(e) and it's been my dream to get married to the person I love since I was a little kid.

GAY PERSON: Wow, I'm so glad your dream is coming true. And you know what, I have the same dream. But because of a lousy campaign by our side, and a lot of lies perpetrated by the other side, my dream is on hold. So you'll have to excuse the slight hint of sarcasm and passive aggressiveness in the din of my voice. I'm trying really hard to be civil and be tolerant to those who want to take away my rights, which is why I'm having this very uncomfortable conversation.

PROP 8 SUPPORTER: I guess I can understand why you would be upset. I don't know what I'd do if I could marry the person I love.

GAY PERSON: Well, let me tell you... it is a wholly painful and demoralizing experience.